Emotions: Can You Trust Them?

Introduction: Emotions in the Christian Life

You're about to read a book about human emotion and its impact on our daily lives. That topic always reminds me of a story my mother told about the high school she attended in 1930. It was located in a small Oklahoma town which had produced a series of terrible football teams. They usually lost the important games and were invariably clobbered by their arch rivals from a nearby community. Understandably, the students and their parents began to get depressed and dispirited by the drubbing their troops were given every Friday night. It must have been awful.

Finally, a wealthy oil producer decided to take matters in his own hands. He asked to speak to the team in the locker room after yet another devastating defeat. What followed was one of the most dramatic football speeches of all times. This businessman proceeded to offer a brand new Ford to every boy on the team and to each coach if they would simply defeat their bitter rivals in the next game. Knute Rockne couldn't have said it better.

The team went crazy with sheer delight. They howled and cheered and slapped each other on their padded behinds. For seven days, the boys ate, drank and breathed football. At night they dreamed about touchdowns and rumbleseats. The entire school caught the spirit of ecstasy, and a holiday fever pervaded the campus. Each player could visualize himself behind the wheel of a gorgeous coupe, with eight gorgeous girls hanging all over his gorgeous body.

Finally, the big night arrived and the team assembled in the locker room. Excitement was at an unprecedented high. The coach made several inane comments and the boys hurried out to face the enemy. They assembled on the sidelines, put their hands together and shouted a simultaneous "Rah!" Then they ran onto the field and were demolished, 38 to zero.

The team's exuberance did not translate into a single point on the scoreboard. Seven days of hoorah and whoop-de-do simply couldn't compensate for the players' lack of discipline and conditioning and practice and study and coaching and drill and experience and character. Such is the nature of emotion. It has a definite place in human affairs, but when forced to stand alone, feelings usually reveal themselves to be unreliable and ephemeral and even a bit foolish.1

On the other hand, it would be a mistake to minimize the impact of emotion on human behavior. I recently described this influence in my book Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives, and have obtained permission to quote a section of that discussion as follows:Have you ever stood outdoors near the end of a day and heard the whining sound of a mosquito flying past your ear?

"I'll bet I'm about to get punctured," you think.

Just then, you feel the creature light on your forearm and you immediately glance downward. But to your surprise, the insect is not there. You merely imagined that you had been invaded.

Or in another context, have you ever awakened after a frightening dream, lying breathless in your bed? You listened to the sounds of the night, wondering if the dream was based on reality. Then suddenly, just as you expected, there was a "bump" coming from the dark side of the house. An hour later you concluded that no one was actually there.

Emotions are powerful forces within the human mind. Fear, especially, has a remarkable way of generating evidence to support itself. Physicians in clinical practice spend a large portion of their time convincing people that their self-diagnoses are not accurate...that their symptoms are imaginary or psychosomatic.

Even the young and the brave experience such deception. My good friend, Steve Smith, won a bronze star for courage in Vietnam combat. However, the first night his unit arrived in the war torn country was not to be remembered for remarkable valor. His company had never seen actual combat, and the men were terrified. They dug foxholes on a hill and nervously watched the sun disappear beyond the horizon. At approximately midnight, the enemy attacked as anticipated. Guns began to blaze on one side of the mountain, and before long, all the soldiers were firing frantically and throwing hand grenades into the darkness. The battle raged throughout the night and the infantry appeared to be winning. Finally, the long awaited sun cam up and the body count began. But not one single dead Viet Cong lay at the perimeter of the mountain. In fact, not one enemy soldier had even participated in the attack. The company of green troops had fought the night in mortal combat...and won!

Permit me one further example of emotions that overruled reason. The city of Los Angeles was paralyzed with fear in 1969, when Charles Manson and his "family" murdered Sharon Tate and her friends, and then butchered Leno and Rosemary La Bianca in cold blood. Residents wondered who would be next? My mother was quite convinced that she was the prime candidate. Sure enough, Mom and Dad heard the intruder as they lay in bed one night. "Thump!" went the sound from the area of the kitchen.

"Did you hear that?" asked my mother.

"Yes, be quiet," said my father.

They lay staring at the darkened ceiling, breathing shallowly and listening for further clues. A second "thump" brought them to their feet. They felt their way to the bedroom door which was closed. At this point, we are shown a vast difference between how my mother and my father faced a crisis. Her inclination was to hold the door shut to keep the intruder from entering the bedroom. Thus, she propped her foot against the door and threw her weight against the upper section. My father's approach was to confront the attacker head on. He reached through the darkness and grasped the doorknob, but his pull met the resistance from my mother.

My father assumed someone was holding the door shut from the other side. My terrified mother on the other hand, could feel the killer trying to force the door open. My parents stood there in the pitch blackness of midnight, struggling against one another and imagining themselves to be in a tug of war with a murderer. Mother then decided to abandon ship. She released the door and ran to the window to scream at the top of her lungs. She took a great breath of air with which to summon the entire city of Pasadena, when she realized a light was on behind her. Turning around she saw that my Dad had gone into the other part of the house in search of their attacker. Obviously, he was able to open the door when she released it. In reality there was no prowler. The thumps were never identified and Charles Manson never made his anticipated visit.

Let me personalize the issue at hand. What imaginary fears are you supporting with contrived evidence? What role do rampant emotions play in your life? It is likely that what you feel, right or wrong, is a pervasive force in determining your behavior day by day. Emotional experience in the western world has become the primary motivation of values and actions and even spiritual beliefs. Furthermore, (and this is the point), we are living in a day when people are being encouraged to release their emotions, to grant them even greater power in ruling their destinies. We are told, "if it feels good, do it!" The popular song, "You Light Up My Life," carries this phrase, "It can't be wrong, 'cause it feels so right." (Hitler's murder of the Jews probably felt right to the Nazis at the time). Most love songs, in fact, make it clear that a commitment to one another is based on the excitement the couple shares. Thus, when the thrill evaporates, so goes the relationship. By contrast, the greatest piece of literature ever written on the subject of love, the 13th Chapter of I Corinthians, includes not a single reference to feelings: "Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong." (I Corinthians 12:4-5 TLB)

It is my opinion that we should take a long, hard look at the "discovery of personhood," which seeks to free our emotions from restraint and inhibition. The pop-psyche movement, so prevalent in San Francisco and other California cities, encourages us to get in touch with our feelings...to open up...to tell it like it is. We've come through an emphasis on "encounter groups," where participants were urged to attack one another and cry and scream and remove their clothes and even whack each other with foamy "encounter bats." Great stuff.

I have no desire to return our culture to the formality of yesterday, when father was a marble statue and mother couldn't smile because her corset was too tight. But if our grandparents represented one extreme of emotional repression, today's Americans have become temperamental yo-yos at the other. We live and breathe by the vicissitudes of our feelings, and for many, the depression of the "lows" is significantly more prevalent than the elation of the "highs." Reason is now dominated by feelings, rather than the reverse as God intended. "But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22 TLB)

This need for self-control is emphasized by the difficulties and stresses that occur in the lives of virtually every human being on earth. As Mark Twain said, "Life is just one darn thing after another" It's true. At least once every two weeks, someone gets a chest cold or the roof springs a leak or the car throws a rod or an ingrown toenail becomes infected or a business crisis develops. Those minor frustrations are inevitable. In time, of course, more significant problems develop. Loved ones die and catastrophic diseases appear and life slowly grinds to a conclusion. This is the nature of human experience, like it or not. That being true, nothing could be more dangerous than to permit our emotions to rule our destinies. To do so is to be cast adrift in the path of life's storms.2

This statement was intended to convey one primary message: emotions must always be accountable to the faculties of reason and will. That accountability is doubly important for those of us who purport to be Christians. If we are to be defeated during life's spiritual pilgrimage, it is likely that negative emotions will play a dominant role in that discouragement. Satan is devastatingly effective in using the weapons of guilt, rejection, fear, embarrassment, grief, depression, loneliness and misunderstanding. Indeed, human beings are vulnerable creatures who could not withstand these satanic pressures without divine assistance.

Someone wrote, "The mind, body and soul are very close neighbors, and one usually catches the ills of the others." I agree. A person who experiences deep feelings of inferiority, for example, usually believes that God disrespects him too. Consider this note written by a small boy to a famous psychotherapist:

Dear Doctor Gardner,

What is bothering me is that long ago some big person it is a boy about 13 years old. He called me turtle and I knew he said that because of my plastic sergery. And I think god hates me because of my lip. And when I die he'll probably send me to hell.

Love, Chris3

Chris had obviously drawn the conclusion that since he was worthless, not even God could love him. It was illogical extrapolation, yet emotions are not bound by principles of logic. He felt hated by God. That same lie has been whispered in the ears of a million Christians who are overwhelmed by inadequacy and inferiority. Likewise, every river of emotion running deep within the human spirit has the capacity of overflowing its banks and flooding the mind with its rampaging waters. That is why I have written the pages of this book. Our purpose has been to fortify the banks of those rivers with scriptural truth and psychological understanding.

At least eight or ten specific emotions could have been addressed in this context. However, the limitations of time and space required us to focus on four of the most important. They are as follows:

1. Guilt
   • When is it valid and invalid, and how can the difference be known?
   • What are the consequences of false guilt which can never be "forgiven"?
   • What is the origin of the conscience, and can it be trusted?
   • Can parents influence the consciences of their children, and if so, how should they be taught?
   • Does the absence of guilt mean we are blameless before God?
2. Romantic Love
   • How can the "feeling of love" become a dangerous trap?
   • Why do so many couples become disillusioned shortly after the honeymoon?
   • Does "love at first sight" ever occur?
   • Does God select one particular person for us to marry and then guide us together?
   • How can love be kept alive?
3. Anger
   • Is all "anger" sinful?
   • How can strong negative feelings be handled without violating scriptural principles and without repressing them into the unconscious mind?
   • Is it possible for the Christian to live without feelings of irritation or hostility?
   • Does being morally "right" in a particular instance justify an attitude of resentment and antagonism?
   • What is the "flight or fight" mechanism, and how does it relate to biblical understandings?
4. Interpreting Our Impressions
   • Can we trust our impressions in interpreting the will of God?
   • Under what circumstances does God speak directly to the heart of man?
   • Does Satan also speak directly on occasion? If so, how can the two voices be distinguished?
   • What role does fatigue and illness play in the interpretation of impressions?
   • How can major decisions be made without leaning too heavily on ephemeral emotions?

Following each part is a section, "Learning-Discussion Ideas." The objective is to permit the material to be used in Sunday School classes, neighborhood Bible study classes or any other setting where it might be beneficial. Since virtually every human being has dealt with these common emotions at some point, it is often helpful to share experiences with sympathetic friends and fellow Christians. In other instances individuals will be able to use the reference pages personally.

As we approach the first topic of guilt, let me leave you with a Scripture which assures us that we need not be victims of our own emotions. The God who created the vast resources of the universe is also the inventor of the human mind. His inspired words of encouragement guarantee us that we can live above our circumstances.

"I have learned to be satisfied with what I have. I know what it is to be in need, and what it is to have more than enough. I have learned this secret, so that anywhere, at any time, I am content, whether I am full or hungry, whether I have too much or too little. I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me (Phil. 4:11-13 TEV).

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