Shirley Dobson Writes on Dr. Dobson's 70th Birthday

May 2006

Dear Friends of Focus on the Family,

Greetings to you all. If you take a quick glance at the end of this letter, you'll see that it is signed, not by my husband who usually writes to you, but by me, Shirley Dobson. This is only the third newsletter I have sent in the past 29 years. Obviously, I prefer to let Jim do most of the "talking," which he does very well. But this is such a special occasion for us that I wanted to tell you about it personally. He celebrated his 70th birthday on April 21, just a few weeks ago. What a milestone this is in our lives.

Jim and I first met when we were in college back in 1957. He was a blond, lanky, 6-foot-2-inch Texan who quickly caught my eye. He was captain of the tennis team and looked dashing on the courts in his white shorts, white shirt and white tennis shoes. I thought, "That's a guy I'd like to meet." Finally, the opportunity came. I was walking across the campus with another boy who knew Jim very well. Together we approached him, and I wanted to say something to get his attention. All I could think of was to blurt out, "Hi, legs." He told me later he was thinking, "This little flirt can't be all bad if she likes my legs." My greeting wasn't particularly profound, but it got the job done.

Our second encounter occurred several days later. Jim wrote about it in his book, Life on the Edge. He said,

I saw Shirley standing with a group of friends near her dormitory. I walked up and engaged her in small talk. Then I took a nickel out of my pocket and started flipping it in the air.

I said, "I have a remarkable ability that you ought to know about. I can call the toss of a coin — heads or tails — with unbelievable accuracy. I never miss."

Shirley took the bait. "Let me see you do it," she said.

"All right, but it's gonna cost you," I replied. "I will flip this nickel in the air, and I'll bet you a hamburger I can tell you whether it falls heads or tails."

It was what is known as a "sure thing." If I won, I would get to take Shirley out for a hamburger. If I lost, she would buy one for me. I would be the winner either way. So I tossed the nickel and accurately called it heads.

"Okay," I asked, "when are you going to buy?"

"Not so fast," replied Shirley. "Let's go double or nothing."

"Fair enough," I said, and tossed the nickel again. Once more, I called the coin accurately.

"Double or nothing again," she demanded.

Up went the nickel, and unbelievably, I was three for three. Shirley then owed me four hamburgers.

"I can't stop now," she said. "Toss it again."

We played that ridiculous game for several minutes, during which I never missed a call. By the time we were finished, Shirley owed me sixty-four hamburgers, and she's been frying them ever since.

Jim and I have now been married for 45 years, and the spark with which we began has never faded. It has been a great ride. Oh, we've had our share of tough times, such as when Jim suffered a serious heart attack in 1990 and then his terrifying stroke in 1998. But God has blessed our marriage and our family beyond anything we could have expected or hoped. So we come to this 70th birthday with great gratitude for the love and camaraderie we have experienced together through the years.

A few weeks ago, Jim was interviewed by Paul Asay, an outstanding reporter for The Gazette, the newspaper here in Colorado Springs. As it turned out, Paul wrote a very lengthy article (two full pages) reviewing Jim's life, the ministry of Focus on the Family and the work he has done in the public policy arena. It had several color pictures we had not seen and, I thought, was a very informative article. We asked The Gazette for permission to purchase tear sheets, or even to let us reproduce the Web site, so we could send copies to you. The editor flatly refused for reasons we don't understand, although you can view the article on The Gazette's Web site* if you choose.

As an alternative, we have a transcript of the interview between Paul Asay and Jim. We do have authority to reproduce it here, and the text appears below. The questions asked deal with where Jim and the ministry stand today, and what the future holds. I think you may find it interesting at this juncture in the history of Focus on the Family:

Q: It's been a pretty interesting 18 months or so for Focus on the Family. You and Focus have parried plenty of anti-Focus thrusts, the Abramoff issue being just the latest. You're probably not surprised by the criticism, but how do you deal with it? When you see your face in a New York Times advertisement, are you able to just shrug it off at the end of the day?

A: Its impact is not as distressing as it might look to the outside world. On balance, we receive far more love and respect than we deserve. Our mail and phone calls contain about three negative responses per 1,000, and even those are usually not vicious. As for DefCon (The New York Times attack ad), that was a big embarrassment, not for us, but for them. Since there was no substance to the charge that I am somehow connected to Abramoff, Max Blumenthal had to admit at a press conference the next day that DefCon has no proof and never will have of any involvement. They even cancelled an appearance on Bill O'Reilly's show the next night because their outrageous claim was a "one-day story" that died before it even started. In short, we are doing fine, and enjoying the ride.

Q: You turned over Focus' presidency in 2003. My impression is this was done for two primary reasons: 1) It allowed you to focus your attention to other things -- public policy, writing and radio, and 2) It was done with an eye toward transition putting the organization on solid administrative footing should you leave. Is that true? Were there other reasons?

A: Those were the primary reasons. A third motivation is that I was working too hard, and it was just time to step down. I'm still chairman of the board and fully engaged, but I don't have the pressure of the day-to-day operations. That's a good thing.

Q: I know you're coming up to your 70th birthday, when most men have left the office for the golf course. What motivates you to keep going to work every day? What drives you?

A: I continue at Focus on the Family for three primary reasons. (1) I am reaching 220 million people every day in 161 countries -- people who still seem to want to hear what I have to say. When I sense that changing, I will be gone in an afternoon. (2) The need is still great. Families all around the world are struggling to hold it all together, and we want to help. (3) I believe the Lord will tell me when it's time to go. So far, He seems to be saying, "not yet."

Q: Some of the folks I've talked with say that, since you've given up Focus' presidency, you haven't really slowed down at all; you're just concentrating on other things. Is that true?

A: I am still very busy, to be sure. Daily radio and various television opportunities are very demanding and never-ending. I am starting to write a sequel to Bringing Up Boys, to be called, Bringing Up Girls. And my work in Washington is very time-consuming. It's a full load, but it would be much more difficult with budgets, operations, human resources, etc., on my plate.

Q: How many days have you missed in your daily exercise regimen, which began, I think, in 1993?

A: As of this morning, I've exercised 4,851 days with 18 misses. It works out to about one or two non-exercise days per year for 13 years, and most of those 18 days occurred when I was in the hospital, or when I had the flu or a blister, etc. Twice in 13 years I simply forgot, which bugged me. Exercise is one of the reasons I have felt so good and have lived 15 years after a major heart attack. I strongly recommend getting the old bod moving every day.

Q: More than 250,000 tourists visit Focus every year largely because of your influence in their lives. How many of these folks do you have a chance to visit with? Do you ever run into tour groups prowling Focus' halls?

A: I enjoy being with people or I wouldn't be doing what I am. Of course, it is physically impossible to greet up to 2,000 people per day, but I do engage many of them through the monthly chapel, and by greeting various groups. I have loved having the privilege of touching lives and trying to be of service.

Q: Associates doubt whether you'll retire -as long as your health holds up and feel as if you're doing some good. Is that true? Do you ever wish that you could back away and spend some time just relaxing?

A: My associates are wrong. Those same "associates" said I would never step down as president and CEO either, but that was an easy transition. There will come a time to move on, and when I sense it's the thing to do, I will do so. I look forward to it, although I don't think I'll ever just sit and do nothing. Life is far too interesting for that.

Q: What do you think Focus will look like after you're gone?

A: It will be shaped by people with other skills and unique personalities. That's a good thing. I hope the values and character of Focus will be the same, but major change is inevitable. I will watch it prayerfully from a distance.

Q: You told me once you weren't particularly concerned with your legacy. -You didn't care whether you were remembered at all. Some of our readers may be skeptical of this. Could you elaborate?

A: Despite the perception of some people around me, including outsiders, this ministry has never been about empire building. None of the physical structures on this campus are named for me, and the organization itself is called Focus on the Family, not James Dobson Ministries. The moment it becomes a legacy or a monument to me personally, it becomes ego-driven and worthless. I have never asked to be put on a pedestal, because when that happens, every step in any direction is down. I'll stay down here on the ground.

Q: Any special plans for your 70th birthday?

A: It will be spent with family and friends, and a time of thankfulness to God for letting me live and love longer than my forefathers or almost any male member of my family. I have been generously blessed.

*****

Jim's comment about living longer than almost any other male member of our family is a very meaningful one. We are convinced that he has enjoyed 70 very healthy years, except for two or three big bumps in the road, because of friends like you who have continued to pray for him. We hear regularly from people who write us or tell us when we meet that they ask the Lord for His continued protection and care every day. What a blessing that is to us!

There is no other way to explain how quickly Jim recovered from illnesses that could have taken his life or left him disabled. Instead, he still has remarkable energy and reveals that same zest for his calling that has characterized him from the beginning. It has been my privilege to serve alongside him. I loved him even before he loved me, and he continues to be one of God's greatest gifts in my life.

Thank you so much for your prayers, and for your financial support throughout Focus on the Family's 29 years of ministry. Jim Daly is doing a wonderful job as our new president, and the young team now running the various departments is wonderfully gifted. It certainly looks as though God has willed the organization to continue to nurture and defend the family.

In conclusion, I want to thank you again, not only for your prayers and concern, but also for remembering this ministry in your giving. There is always a tension between what should be done and the funds necessary to do it. I know Jim and Jim would appreciate any contribution you can make toward the financial needs of the ministry.

Come see us this summer if you can. We would love to have you as our guests.

Blessings,

Shirley Dobson

P.S. Focus on the Family held a chapel service last month, as always, and they honored Jim's birthday at the beginning. Many friends had sent fun and poignant video greetings, and I thought you might like to view them. Presenters included Sean Hannity, Alan Colmes, Rita Cosby, Bill O'Reilly, Pastor Ken Hutcherson, Reverend Herbert Lusk, Reverend Franklin Graham, Dr. Richard Land, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Hugh Hewitt, Chuck Colson, Donald Wildmon, Gary Bauer, Michael Medved, Joni Erickson Tada, Tony Perkins, Kyle West, Mac McQuiston and Peb Jackson. President Bush conveyed his wishes to Jim in a warm and thoughtful letter. Links to the video greetings are available online at www.family.org/docstudy/.

*(Note: Referrals to Web sites not produced by Focus on the Family are for informational purposes only and do not necessarily constitute an endorsement of the sites' content.)