Building a Spiritual Heritage

August 2000

Dear Friends,

Greetings from Focus on the Family! Dr. Dobson is away from the office this month working on his new book and taking time to celebrate 40 wonderful years of marriage to his lifelong sweetheart, Shirley. Let’s hope he’s spending more time celebrating than writing.

My name is Kurt Bruner. I serve as Vice President of the Focus Resource Group, which oversees many of the creative projects of this ministry such as Adventures in Odyssey®, magazine and book publishing, film production and other resources designed to come alongside parents as they shape the lives and values of their children. I am excited about the opportunity to tell you about what we believe is one of the most important efforts this organization has ever launched, a ministry called Heritage Builders.

The need for this ministry has never been more crucial. Our children are growing up in a popular culture that often goes out of its way to attack and belittle the Christian faith. Perhaps you saw a recent prime-time television special, "The Search for Jesus" presented by ABC News. The host, Peter Jennings, had promised that the program would be "respectful to people of faith," but there was no evidence of fairness or objectivity in the documentary. Millions of parents and children watched as a parade of theologians took a wrecking ball to the Gospel. Most of the scholars were from the liberal "Jesus Seminar," who systematically undermined the basis of Christian theology — including the virgin birth, Jesus’ miracles and the resurrection. It reduced the New Testament to the level of a fairy tale. By contrast, there were no respected conservative theologians invited to participate, such as R.C. Sproul or J.I. Packer, who could have represented the views of evangelical Christians. The program was an affront to Christian believers who embrace the Bible as the Word of God. Unfortunately, this program had one of the largest audiences during the week it aired.1

Clearly, the culture is becoming more and more hostile to our faith, which makes our task as parents increasingly difficult. A recent survey of Focus on the Family listeners revealed that finding help for the spiritual development of their children was their No. 1 need. As the father of three boys under the age of 10, I can certainly relate! My wife and I care more about seeing Kyle, Shaun and Troy embrace the Christian faith than any other concern in life. Career, bills, accumulating stuff and even the church fall way down the list compared to the priority of instilling our beliefs and values into the hearts of our kids. We nod in agreement as we read those familiar passages of Scripture:

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, NIV).

He decreed statues for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands (Psalm 78:5-7, NIV).

Like many parents, we want to fulfill the biblical charge to pass our faith to the next generation — not just because it is a mandate, but because we love our kids.

The problem was that we had no model on how to successfully accomplish our most important parental assignment. My wife, Olivia, came from a non-Christian home antagonistic to the faith she encountered as a teen. As a first generation believer who was clueless when it came to passing her newfound faith to the next generation, my wife expected me to take the reins of spiritual leadership at home.

I came from a Christian family that brought the kids to church and attempted an occasional family devotion. I found these "meaningful reflections on the faith" less than interesting. Dad would attempt them only after Mom gave him a nudge during a sermon at church, and my siblings and I did all we could to derail the process. It usually took us less than one week to get back to our normal "devotion free" routine. As a result of my experience, I was reluctant to put my own children through the same ritual.

Olivia and I were quite a team — Christian parents who cared more about the spiritual growth of our kids than anything else in life, but did next to nothing to guide the process! Oh, sure, we took them to church. But deep down, we knew that it wasn’t enough, and that the stakes were too high for complacency.

In a 1994 survey involving nearly 4,000 youths from 13 denominations, Josh McDowell Ministries discovered how these messages I mentioned above have influenced the beliefs of the younger generation. Less than 10 percent demonstrate a consistent, cohesive belief in absolute truth. Forty percent think no one can prove which religion is absolutely true. One in five thinks Christianity is nothing special — no more correct in its teachings or central to salvation than any other religion. Nearly half of these young people base their moral choices on feelings and emotions rather than on a clear standard of right and wrong.2 Obviously, the challenges our children face are much greater than in the past, requiring this generation of parents to be more intentional than any other when it comes to spiritual training. And we have a very limited window of time to get it done.

According to a recent study conducted by the Barna Research Group, the probability of an individual accepting Christ as his or her Savior during adulthood is a mere 6 percent — compared to 32 percent during the most receptive pre-teen years.3 Other studies indicate that the overwhelming majority of those who accept Christ do so before the age of 18. Barna also indicates that children and adolescents are most impacted evangelistically (and in virtually every other life category) by their parents and other family members.4

Consider the message of those numbers. Despite the oceans of creativity and millions of dollars invested over the past decade in trying to reach "unchurched" people with the Gospel, the most important evangelistic work we can do remains introducing our own children to the faith. Other evangelistic efforts are important. But for moms and dads, the first priority must be reaching the little ones playing around our feet and eating around our tables.

Take a hard look at the experiences of many in our generation. Bored with religion themselves while growing up, many of our parents chose not to "cram religion down the throats" of their children — opting out of their most important responsibility so that their kids could "decide for themselves when they grow up." Well, we have grown up. And rather than saying "thank you," many are asking, "How could you? — How could you give us nothing in which to believe, no compass to guide our steps, no faith to connect our hearts to something bigger than ourselves?"

Douglas Coupland’s disturbing novel, titled Life After God, captures the spirit of a generation raised by parents who neglected spiritual instruction in the name of "protecting" their kids from dogmatism. It didn’t work. Coupland’s book tells the story of a young man who travels from one empty experience to another in the vain hope of finding meaning in life — only to discover that he has no story beyond his own. The result? In the main character’s own words:

I was wondering what was the logical end product of this recent business of my feeling less and less. Is feeling nothing the inevitable end result of believing in nothing? And then I got to feeling frightened — thinking that there might not actually be anything to believe in, in particular. I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain alive for decades and not believe in or feel anything.5

He goes on to describe that his state of mind is in part the result of being "raised without religion by parents who had broken with their own pasts . . . who had raised their children clean of any ideology . . . at the end of history, or so they had wanted to believe."6 In other words, his folks didn’t want to cram religion down his throat. So he — like others of our generation — was given nothing in which to believe. The result? Freedom from the "shackles" of religious dogma caused imprisonment to a life without meaning.

Coupland is confronting a harsh reality. Without God, nothing is sacred, so everything is meaningless. King Solomon knew this all too well as he examined his life apart from God: "Meaningless! Meaningless! . . . Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless" (Ecclesiastes 1:2, NIV).

As parents, it is our job to give our children a framework for living — to equip them with a strong sense of identity that comes from knowing who made them, who they are and how they fit into the grand drama of life. We must help them understand their own story from the Author’s perspective, to enjoy the wonder that comes from knowing that with God, everything is sacred, so nothing is meaningless.

When our son, Shaun, was about 4 years old, he walked a bit too far toward the deep end of a hotel swimming pool while Olivia and I were momentarily distracted. He panicked as he began to swallow water. Thankfully, an older boy saw what was happening and quickly pulled him to safety. We noticed just as Shaun let out a cry of hysteria mixed with relief. Shaken by the thought of what could have happened, I committed to preventing it from ever happening again. We immediately enrolled him in swimming lessons.

For several months that summer, we drove Shaun 15 miles each way, three days per week, to swim class. It was definitely a hassle. But before long, he was able to tread water well enough to keep himself afloat. Mission accomplished! Was it an effort? Sure. Was the drive inconvenient at times? Certainly. Would we do it again? Without question.

Ours is an era in which nothing is considered sacred. To many, God is dead, distant or, perhaps worst of all, irrelevant. Objective truth — which should direct and explain life’s experience — has been replaced by subjective opinion. Much like Shaun in the deep end of that pool, many have faced the panic of swallowing the water of a life without meaning. With Coupland, they are "frightened — thinking that there might not actually be anything to believe in, in particular."

I want something better for my kids. I refuse to shove them into the deep end of life without first teaching them how to swim. Will it take an effort? Sure. Will it be inconvenient at times? Certainly. But it will be worth it all because I want my children to know that there is something to believe in, in particular:

• A personal, loving God who created them for relationship

• A sense of purpose and meaning that transcends the often confusing and painful experiences they will endure

• Timeless truth that frames the choices they will face and explains the seemingly hapless circumstances of life

• A profound hope found only in Jesus Christ, which can overshadow the deepest despair

The bitter aftertaste of being raised without religion is motivating many parents of my generation to give something better to the next. No, we don’t want to "cram religion down their throats." But neither do we want them to drown in the emptiness of a life without God. That is why Focus on the Family is excited about the launch of Heritage Builders — a ministry designed to educate, train and equip parents to become intentional about passing on a spiritual heritage to their children. This new outreach is specifically designed for parents like my wife and me who recognize that someday, our children will meet their Creator — and that it is our job to introduce them first!

We are particularly pleased to announce the release of several brand new Heritage Builders resources — intended to help thousands of moms and dads get started in passing the baton of faith with confidence. Several years in development by a team of parents still knee-deep in the process, the Parent’s Guide to the Spiritual Growth of Children is a combination planning guide and safety net for those who may want to begin, but are intimidated by the task. The nearly 500 pages include everything needed to develop a highly-customized plan targeting the unique mix of ages, personalities and challenges found in every home. From a summary of various spiritual training methods available to this generation to age-specific content and tips for children from birth to adolescence, this guide contains a wealth of information and coaching — all intended to shout to eager but hesitant parents, "You can do it!"

We are also releasing a series of practical, hands-on resources to help parents take advantage of bed time, meal time, drive time and other times that lend themselves to heritage building opportunities. Over the next several years, we intend to provide tools that will enable every parent to turn good intentions into an action plan that works. Other ministry efforts include an extensive Heritage Builders web site (www.heritagebuilders.com), regional parenting conferences and frequent Focus on the Family magazine articles designed to motivate and equip moms and dads. We are investing a great deal of time, energy and money to meet this need. After all, there is no more important task we parents face, and the stakes are too high for timidity.

Dr. Dobson has repeatedly stressed the importance of these principles. As he has said: "So what good does it do us to build strong families if they don’t know the Creator of families?"

We hope to motivate thousands of parents to begin taking seriously the assignment of passing their faith to the next generation. Nothing could be more important. Nothing will do more to preserve this nation. Nothing is more worthy of our time. And for me, nothing matters more than helping Kyle, Shaun and Troy learn to swim before they enter the deep end of life.

Thank you for continuing to support this ministry, and for investing in the precious lives of your children and grandchildren. God bless you.

Sincerely,

Kurt Bruner
Vice President, Focus Resource Group

P.S. Dr. Dobson has reviewed our financial resources and has asked me to inform you that we need a little help. Mid-to-late summer is traditionally a slow month for us in terms of contributions and this year has been no different. Any assistance you could provide — as the Lord leads, of course — would be greatly appreciated.