Lead Me Not Into Temptation

Sexual intimacy is one of the greatest casualties of divorce or the death of a spouse. Suddenly, an act that was once natural, pleasurable, satisfying and sanctioned by God is no longer an option.

Yet the desire for sex does not stop. In fact, it can intensify. Therefore, a new romantic relationship for a single-again adult can be more sexually charged than it was when he or she was a never-married single adult. And, when you are so accustomed to sex, a caress or intimate kiss is a signal to your body to move toward sexual fulfillment.

You might be thinking, What do I do with these cravings when I want to remain pure in God's eyes?

This question is common for divorced Christians, and staying pure is a difficult challenge. The promiscuous culture around us does not have to dictate your values and actions. God knows your needs and desires, and He promises in His Word that He is sufficient to meet them. A sincere relationship with Christ is one of honor and trust and knowing your body is His and not your own.

Devise a plan

Prayer is the first step in creating a successful plan for sexual purity. Pray for discernment to make the right choices. Pray that God will guide you to triumph over sexual temptation. Depend on Him for strength. When you surrender your life to Christ, God sends His Holy Spirit to empower you. God promises you will not be tempted beyond what you can handle. And if you are tempted, He will provide a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13).

God's Word can be a constant source of strength as you create and live out your plan for sexual purity. Memorize relevant Bible verses. Write them on sticky notes, and place them all over the house, car and at the office. Ephesians 6:10-11 says, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

Guidelines for intimacy can be defined a number of ways. But how do the principles in God's Word apply to flirting, fantasizing, holding hands and kissing? Where should you draw the line? Make a contract with yourself, write down God's limits and sign it. Then, when you get into a new relationship, your vows of purity will help you stay true to personal boundaries and convictions.

Self-control and the anticipation of vulnerable situations minimize your risk to sexual temptation. Think about where and when you might be susceptible (i.e., certain people, places, Internet sites, TV programs). Record them on your contract. Avoid these high-risk situations, and exercise self-control instead.

If you unexpectedly find yourself in a vulnerable position, withdraw immediately to protect yourself.

Build a life

Romans 13:12-14 says, "So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently. . . . Rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature."

Dream up activities that will enhance your life and maintain your focus on serving God and others, while fulfilling your heart's desires. Instead of going out dancing or to a bar, find a group (or form one) to socialize with regularly. This might include sports activities, Bible study, dance or exercise classes, a book club, college classes or volunteering at church, a local school or in the community.

Invest in friendships with other women of all ages. You don't know when or if you'll marry again. It could be in three months, three years, 30 years or never. In the meantime, you need a support system. Many single women would love to be in your circle of friends. They can enrich your life and manifest God's love for you.

Plan your future, explore your dreams, capitalize on your gifts, skills and talents. Ask yourself, What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? How can I contribute my gifts to God's kingdom? Set goals for yourself, and invest the time in making it happen. Make the most of the life God gave you.

Be accountable to friends who have the same values. This is a highly effective way to honor your purity commitment to God. Find a mature Christian woman who will meet with you regularly to read and discuss God's Word and who will pray for you daily. Share with her the limits of intimacy you have set for yourself, and be honest about any struggles you face.

Gain spiritual strength by attending church and spending quiet time with God. Do not condemn yourself when you fall short in pleasing Him. Regain strength by remembering that God loves you and wants to help you make the right decisions next time (Titus 2:11-14).

Remain faithful to God

Sexual purity takes commitment, and God will honor it. In her book Settling for Less than God's Best? Elsa Kok tells a story about a friend who remarried after 15 years. She had made a decision for purity and remained true to it. The woman said, "Oh, Elsa, it was so worth the wait!"

If you choose to put your relationship with Christ first and honor Him as your husband (Isaiah 54:5), you will grow strong and live a productive and purposeful life. John 15:5 assures us, "If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

By choosing to stay faithful to Jesus with your body and your mind, you will experience wholeness, contentment and joy. To live honorably as a woman of God is a high calling. Your surrender will yield a deeply satisfying relationship with Christ.Partnered with Him you will accomplish much for His purpose.