Dancing My Way to a New Routine

I avoided the topic for months, but then during one frigid winter evening, I spoke the five brave words my wife longed to hear.

“OK, I’ll try ballroom dancing.” In order to fulfill my promise, I had to break out of my after-work routine, which would be harder than I thought.

This wasn’t the first time I dragged my marital heels. Years ago she wanted to entertain more, which I had bucked. Not only would it cut into my hermitlike reading time, but it also meant that I would have to talk to people outside of work. But I couldn’t ignore the fact that the few times I agreed to entertain guests, Sandy glowed. She was in her element, and I would have been foolish if I didn’t at least try to share in her bliss, which would later turn into a vibrant ministry.

So this old dog had to learn some new midlife tricks. I read books on how to keep a conversation alive (asking just a few stock questions does wonders), and I wrote a few notes on my hand in case I got in a pinch over dinner. Soon we graduated to larger dinner parties, and I even learned how to tell a few jokes. Sandy was happier, and I made more friends.

Dancing, I suspected, might also lead to unexpected benefits.

Fear factor

But ballroom dancing took my reluctance to a new level. I confronted the real reason why those of us in midlife refuse to change our beloved routines. I was afraid of looking silly, of making a mistake, of other people discovering that I don’t have all the answers. But then I considered another issue that was worthy of my concern: being a bump-on-a-log bore to my spouse.

I reminded myself of an excellent acronym for fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. Most of our deepest fears do not come true. Confront them and you’ll discover that many fears are all bluff.

Sure, I looked silly on that dance floor, but so did everyone else. My ego had to come to terms with the fact that no one really cared whether I was good or bad, which is another way of saying that I had to get over myself; I wasn’t that important.

Public humiliation never felt so good! We had a blast, and we made new friends because we broke out of our stale comfort zones.

New groove

Although dancing isn’t for every couple in midlife, come up with a list of activities you’ve always wanted to do then compare with your spouse. Keep in mind that, as with our dancing experience, someone will probably need to compromise. If your spouse is usually the compromiser, shock him or her and move first.

Get ready for your new routine the night before to avoid last-minute running around. Also, consider committing to a new routine with a buddy or another couple; often the hardest part is getting out your front door.

I’m now the proud owner of hip new dance shoes that sound like a Clydesdale when I mess up. I’m not a very good dancer, but we are more spirited, our conversations are lighter and our demeanor is more gracious and captivating. All because we’ve broken out of our routines for something more exciting.