Mother's Day . . . Without Mom

I visited a Christian outlet store to look for bargains and encouragement, not to be tormented over my recent loss. My eyes moved from shelves of marked-down Bibles and planners to sections of discounted paperbacks. When I came to the greeting cards, I spotted a sign that stunned me — "Don't forget Mom on Mother's Day." Though the occasion loomed months away, the rack of flowery cards brought tears to my eyes. For the first time in my life, I had no mother for whom I could buy a card or gift.

How to cope?

I feared I might be an emotional wreck by the time Mother's Day arrived. Though a mother myself, I'd never thought of Mother's Day as a special day for me. Its main significance had always been to honor my mother.

The previous year, I sang for an afternoon tea. Since my mom's medical problems prevented her attendance, my husband and I drove to her residential care facility that evening. Still wearing my fancy dress and brimmed hat, I performed a mini-concert for her and the other residents. Mom beamed at me as I sang, and she even joined in on some of the songs. I didn't know it would be her final Mother's Day.

Honoring her legacy

This year, when my husband asked what I wanted to do for "my special day," I didn't know how to answer. I wondered, Should I take the time to grieve or try to channel my grief into a positive activity?

I pondered my mother's life and legacy. This tough but tender woman survived hardships with enduring faith and a "love conquers all" philosophy. Regardless of her circumstances, she always extended a hand to those in need. And a lifelong love of music continued to bring joy and comfort to her until her last breath.

As it turned out, I had the privilege of leading worship at our church that Mother's Day. Though I realized a traditional Mother's Day service could be difficult, I also recognized that having a focus outside my pain was a good thing. Even the preparation allowed me time to meditate on God's care.

When God gave me the unexpected honor of singing at a memory care unit as well, my heart was touched again. I sang old-time tunes to a room of residents displaying varying degrees of dementia. Faces brightened during the performance, and smiling lips formed the words of familiar songs. Spouses, children and grandchildren seemed less sad as they watched their loved ones responding to our music. My heart lightened.

New tradition

To my surprise, I made it through Mother's Day enveloped in God's peace. Yes, I still have a Mom-shaped hole in my heart, but it doesn't hurt as much because I can honor her memory by continuing her legacy of reaching out to others. I believe she would be pleased, and more important, I believe the One who created my mother and chose me to be her child, the One who is now enjoying her face to face, is pleased. Honoring my mother by serving others is the best Mother's Day present I can give her.