Breaking the Silence

Jeff Johnston's path out of homosexuality 20 years ago was fraught with wrong turns and dead ends. One notion he had was that suppressing his same-sex attractions would make them disappear. Other attempts included trying to be a good-enough Christian or praying the right prayers to bring instant healing.

In junior high school, Jeff had become entangled with pornography, which then turned to homosexual pornography and fantasy. In his 20s, he gave in to his attractions and pursued homosexual relationships.

The resulting conflict was intense. "I wanted to follow God, I believed what the Bible said about God's design for marriage, and I wanted to have a family," he said. "But here I was, stuck in sin and deeply ashamed of even having these struggles."

Raised in a devout Christian home, Jeff became a Christian himself at age 5. But when he later experienced same-sex attractions, he found nowhere to turn. The subject was taboo in church, except to proclaim that it was a sin.

"I think the biggest issue was just the silence," Jeff recalled. "I was looking for Christian books and articles about homosexuality and trying to figure out why I had the feelings I had, and I couldn't find any help. And at church, people weren't talking about change or about deep sexual issues."

So when he attended a conference on leaving homosexuality, Jeff was overwhelmed by testimonies of changed lives.

"I had never heard people share stories like that," he said. "They talked about how there was hope for somebody with same-sex attractions, that there was healing and God's power to change, and that there might be some reasons why I had the feelings I was struggling with. It was eye-opening to hear that kind of good news."

Jeff found the courage to begin opening up about his struggles and pursuing healthy, nonsexual male relationships. He recommitted himself to attending church and finally found other Christians to walk alongside him in the process of transformation.

He met a young lady named Judy, who eventually became his wife. They've been married for 15 years.

He and Judy dedicated themselves to helping those struggling with homosexuality, as well as to educating families, friends and churches about homosexuality.

Today, Jeff, 47, is the father of three young boys and works as a Love Won Out conference speaker, telling others that there is hope and help for those who struggle with same-sex attractions.

"I wanted a wife and kids," Jeff said. "But mostly I wanted to follow what God said. I wanted to obey Him. And I'm so thankful for His work in my life."