How Your Grandkids Think

My mom has a hard time sending an e-mail, while my daughters electronically multitask. They talk on their cell phones, research on the Internet and shuffle through the music on their iPods all at the same time. My parents tend to be more conservative in appearance, while my daughters experiment with hair color, fashion and popular trends. My dad is from a generation that believes in leadership and societal institutions; my kids look to their peers as role models. And we wonder why there’s a generation gap between grandparents and grandchildren!

Be encouraged. The generation in the middle understands your frustrations and respects the fact that the world of teenagers can be daunting. We, too, feel at times as though today’s kids are simply weird for the sake of being weird. But don’t be intimidated by their technology, and don’t be threatened by the way that even Christian kids today choose to think differently than you’re used to thinking.

Wise is the grandparent who looks past the music and appearances and listens to the heart of the next generation as you gently offer the wisdom of your years and fervently pray for the family. Remember the advice attributed to St. Francis of Assisi: “Preach the Gospel at all times and, if necessary, use words.”

Never before has a generation in America been so technologically knowledgeable, so affected by one-parent homes, so stressed about health issues such as AIDS, and so racially, morally and religiously diverse.

They are young people who think globally due to the influence of the World Wide Web, ease of travel and mass communication, while daily decisions are often filtered through a self-centered perspective. The rules and institution of religion do not motivate them, even though they’re part of their heritage; they’re more interested in spiritual awakenings and adventures.

But how is a grandparent to reach a generation that is defined by relativism and is so heavily influenced by technology? First, keep in mind that although previous generations have dealt with their own forms of “experimentation” and consequences, today’s teens are in greater danger due to the inundation of negative media messages.

Movies, music and TV shows encourage poor choices (alcohol, drugs, sexual encounters, self-mutilation) that pose serious long-term risks to their emotional and physical health. Consider the degree of cultural influences they face as an invitation to listen and talk with your grandchildren. Here are a few ways to show you care:

• Love them. Technological advancements have created an information age and exposed teens to worldwide influences. Just because their knowledge seems to be more sophisticated than in past generations, it doesn’t mean that their understanding is any more developed or that their conclusions are correct. Nor does it mean that the human heart has changed in its need for care and real connections. Remember that experience is priceless, and love is the one commodity that the information age can never replicate.

• Listen. Allow your grandchildren to think out loud, to question the basics and to seek for themselves. Explore ideas together and let them hear what’s on your heart rather than just your opinion. Demonstrate respect when exchanging viewpoints, and model empathy when evaluating personal issues.

• Walk with them. Today’s young people are not looking for a John Wayne kind of hero. They’re looking for a superhero like Spider-Man or Superman who is really as common as Peter Parker and Clark Kent. They simply want someone who will take the journey with them and demonstrate authenticity no matter what comes. They are confused, so listen to their concerns; when they question your faith, share your beliefs with passion; and if they object to your views, teach them the vital lesson of respect for others in every situation.

• Reach out. Teens care a great deal about community and place a high value on friendships. Find ways to connect to your grandchildren’s world: Research their favorite team, the latest movies and the most popular bands. Don’t hesitate to explore the media messages that bombard your grandkids on a daily basis. Ask about the friends they hang out with, and start the conversation with something that lets them know you care about their world.

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Maybe the challenge of connecting with grandkids is about making sure that we are “the real deal.” As we teach them God’s ways without compromising our biblical values, we need to live honest and honorable lives so they know that they matter to us and our wisdom is available to them. Build a bridge across the chasm that divides generations and prove that differences don’t need to divide families.