The International Faces of Single Parents

Ever feel as though you’re stuck on an island called single parenting? Traveling through six different countries and cultures, I’ve observed the challenges that single parents face on a daily basis. However, even though the single parents I talked with are worlds apart geographically, the struggles and dreams of these parents might sound surprisingly familiar to you. As they share ways God is working in each of their lives, I hope you’ll feel that you’re not alone.

Spiritual training

Single parenting has its unique obstacles and heartaches, but parents find ways to raise their children with God in their lives. “We have a family altar where the kids can come to worship with their talents and abilities,” says Christine from Australia, whose husband left her for someone else. “My home is an environment for open expressions of love without judgment. The kids also have their own faith projects, where they learn to wait on ‘Daddy God’ as their source of provision, not me.”

Ursula, a South African businesswoman who left an abusive marriage after eight years, looks for ways to turn everyday events into teaching moments. “When my son feels rejected by other kids, I help him see who he is in Christ so he won’t feel inadequate or have a low self-worth,” she says. “When he misses his dad, I encourage him that God is his greater Daddy, and he can talk to Him anytime.”

Worries about the future

Anita, an India native who operates a home for orphaned and abandoned kids, has three grown children. Becoming a widow when her children were young, she remembers the stress and worries of raising her kids solo.

“My culture is very unfriendly toward single parents no matter how you ended up that way. When my husband died suddenly, I had no relatives to help support us or good prospects for a job. Since you have to pay for K-12 schooling in India, there seemed to be no chance for my kids to get a good education and break out of the poverty cycle.”

Negative attitudes

While many single parents have great support through their local churches, there are still those who don’t. In South Africa, Roslyn finds that her options are limited. She says that the negative mentality of her church is widespread. “Because women are getting pregnant out of wedlock all the time, the church is now more strict [with] us, which is a good thing, but at the same time we feel looked down upon. It seems the burden for change is on the women. And when the church promotes that attitude, finding a Christian man is all the more difficult.”

Idah, who lives in Botswana, faced the same feeling. The father of her son left nine years ago. A new believer at the time, she was trying to figure out how to follow God’s ideal for relationships. “Once you have a child out of wedlock, it’s hard to find a good man to marry. Even ‘experienced’ Christian guys want to marry virgins.”

Idah’s family has received little support from other Christians. “We fall neither into singles nor couples categories; we’re a desperately lost group. This sometimes leads to marrying out of desperation or living a double life.”

Dreams and desires

One commonly expressed desire from single parents around the world is to have more involvement from intact families and role models. From the Philippines, where being divorced brings deep shame, Randy raises his daughter alone. “I’d like to see women get involved in my daughter’s spiritual life so she can see what being a godly woman is all about,” he says. “There seems to be little support for single dads who have custody.”

Along with the desire for more support from other families, South-African parent Ursula has a heartfelt hope for her son’s relationship with God. “My biggest dream is for my son to know God and to be in His perfect will. No matter what happens, I pray that he will always find his strength and comfort in God, and that he’ll be a happy, blessed man after God’s own heart. I also pray that He’ll provide me with a godly husband so we can worship God as a family.”

God’s provision

God’s faithful guidance and extraordinary provision show up best when we’re marooned by life with nowhere else to turn. Though painful, the single-parent island is one of those places in life to grow closer to God.

Alison from Australia, who left her husband before she became a Christian, has experienced God’s tangible love through His people. “I have the most amazing church family. Just yesterday four members went to get firewood for us. When things were tight, others gave food or money, practically right after I prayed for help. One couple even baby-sat my three kids so I could attend a divorce care program. I’ve never felt judgment about being divorced, but I’ve been encouraged that I’m a new creation in Christ and the past is gone.”

“I believe there’s special grace on single parents,” Australian single parent Christine says. “God miraculously provided a job and a wonderful baby sitter at exactly the right times. Later I was supposed to attend an overseas conference and didn’t have the means. God supplied tickets, accommodations and spending money. He’s never failed to come through.”

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The next time you feel alone in your single parenting, remember that your brothers and sisters around the world are going through the same kinds of challenges. Even though it may seem as though your family is coming up short some days, the gaps in your home have already been filled by a loving heavenly Father.

“Through my relationship with my daughter, God continues to remind me of His great love for me,” Randy says. “I guess that’s what kids do for us—teach us about God’s unconditional love. Even as much as we love our own kids and they love us, He loves us so much more.”