Kristie’s Goodbye

My 8-year-old granddaughter, Katrina, is everything sugar and spice in a little girl. She wiggled and smiled as she took her place on our green sofa for an important talk with Grandma and Grandpa. Her 10-year-old brother, Tyler, plopped down next to us.

Our sofa is the place where we cuddle together and read stories at night. In its soft arms we chatter about a day’s adventures or plan how we are going to enjoy tomorrow. But today the green couch is the place where my wife will start to say goodbye to Tyler and Katrina.

Tender moment

Although my active and athletic wife, Kristie, had no previous health issues, she began experiencing abdominal pain. After a few tests, the shocking news came — Kristie had advanced pancreatic cancer and only a few months to live. Once the reality settled in, we began telling others — first our children and then our church. But who would break the news to our grandkids?

Kristie and I recognized the potential for a teachable moment. What better way for our grandchildren to learn about the reality of heaven than to be taught by their grandma, someone whom they loved and trusted? So we called our son and daughter-in-law and made arrangements for the grandkids to be dropped off at our house.

There is nothing like grandchildren jumping into your arms. This day was no different; they were delighted to see us and extended their greetings with the enthusiasm of puppies. Once we settled down, I explained that we had something important to talk about. Their two precious faces began to show concern. They could tell something was serious, and they tried their best to prepare themselves for this adultlike conversation.

My wife got right to the point. “Tyler and Katrina, you know that we are Christians in our family, right?”

The kids instinctively nodded their heads up and down.

“Grandma, Grandpa, your folks and both of you have all asked Jesus to be our personal Savior. We all believe that He died on the Cross for our sins and rose again, right?” my wife continued with what was sounding like an impromptu Sunday school lesson.

They stared at Grandma and continued to nod appropriately.

“What happens when Christians die?” Kristie asked.

“They go to heaven,” Tyler answered for the both of them.

“We have some good news and some sad news,” I said. “The good news is that all of us will be together in heaven someday. . . ”

“But Grandma is going to be going there sooner than the rest of you,” Kristie added.

I could see that the kids were trying to put together what we were telling them.

“Grandma is sick with something called cancer, and there is no way to make her better. In a little while — and only God knows when that will be — she will go home to be with Jesus, probably in a few months,” I explained.

The reality of what we were saying hit Tyler first, and he began to cry softly. Katrina saw her brother’s reaction and also began to cry.

Kristie and I looked at each other realizing how tender the moment was. We also knew that more words were not needed, but hugs were, so we each picked up a child and held them close. After a long embrace we told them, “Grandma will always love you,” “Grandpa is staying here with you,” and “Remember, we will all be together someday in heaven.”

Tyler remembers

More than 1,500 people attended Kristie’s memorial service two months later. Tyler approached the microphone during the open sharing time, looked out over the sea of friends and began to cry. With short sobs, he steadied his voice enough to say, “I love Grandma. She told me that I would always be her grandson, and that she would always love me.” That’s all he could muster, but it was enough to honor her.

Three months later, Tyler and I were sitting alone in a theater waiting for a movie to start. We both stared ahead at the empty screen, and I asked him, “Do you miss Grandma?”

“Yes,” he replied instantly. I was surprised to see how quickly the tears welled up in his young eyes. He paused and said slowly, “It’s hard when you come over, Grandpa.”

“Because Grandma isn’t with me?”

He nodded yes.

“Do you want me to stop coming over?” I asked.

He looked at me, and a smile broke across his face at the absurdity of the question. “Of course not!” he exclaimed.

“Do you cry sometimes when you think of her?” I continued.

“Yes,” he admitted.

“Me, too.”

It was another teachable moment — I reiterated what my wife had said only a few months earlier. “Tyler, remember Grandma’s in heaven, and she loves you so very much.”

Someday

If there is a healthy way for children to learn about death and dying, I believe that Tyler and Katrina experienced it. They heard the truth about Jesus and heaven. They saw the solid faith of their grandma and grandpa. They felt the pain of loss and the love of family. They’ll be OK, and someday they will run to greet Grandma again with those same enthusiastic hugs.