Steps to Better Decisions

Midlife means facing some hard decisions: How will I care for my dependent family members? How will I handle this job change, illness or financial crisis?

“We like to believe we think things over and sort out the facts,” says Ed Fenn, a Christian counselor in Kansas City, Mo. “But the facts at hand are usually too numerous, so we narrow our decision [based on] emotions.

“People often feel stuck in unhappy circumstances yet have trouble making a decision to change for the better.” Fenn suggests good decisions start by getting unstuck with CAR — clarifying, applying and remembering. He takes his clients through the following steps for decision making.

Clarify. Often people will tackle a significant decision concerning a relationship or profession without having specified the goals they want to accomplish. Conflicting emotions and fear of the unknown cloud their objectives and make any decision feel fraught with problems.

Fenn cites a client whose profession afforded her recognition and respect but left her feeling depressed. She wanted to make a change but couldn’t decide what else she wanted to do or where else she might find fulfillment. In the course of counseling, she came to realize she didn’t need to abandon her training and her profession to make a positive change. Instead of starting over, she could simply shift her role and her focus. By clarifying her heart’s desire, her decisions became clear.

Apply. Even Christians struggle to apply biblical principles to their decision making. Emotionally complex decisions involving issues between spouses or adult children and their parents are often weighted with hurts. Relationships that have suffered deep hurt can become mired in rage and deter people from the hard work of prayer and Scripture study.

To help clients realize how anger prevents them from maintaining healthy relationships and making sound decisions, Fenn points to the biblical concept of forgiveness. It isn’t easy, but those who commit themselves to forgiveness and prayer change their lives for the better because decisions are grounded in God’s Word. “I’ve never heard from a person who regrets choosing to love unconditionally and spending more time in Scripture and in prayer,” Fenn says.

Remember. Difficult decisions can have many solutions. Viable options pull in different directions, and it’s challenging to determine the best thing to do. Retire from your job to step in as caregiver for your aging parents, or keep your career and pay someone to help? Keep the home you’ve lived in for decades, or downsize to a condo? When big decisions arouse fear in the face of many alternatives, it helps to remember a specific time God provided help or direction. By realizing God is still directing your life, you’ll find the confidence that things will work out.

When grappling with lifestyle, career, family and relationship issues, work through a comprehensive decision-making process. Then take action and trust God to direct the outcome.