She Never Saw it Coming

Vicki Graves never pictured herself as a single mom. If she had, would she have thought twice before adopting six children with her husband — in addition to their four biological children?

She’s really not sure.

“It’s a fair question, but I don’t know the answer,” says the 46-year-old widow. “I think that’s why God doesn’t let us choose. He just says, ‘Go and do and be obedient, and trust that I’ll take care of you.’ ”

“There’s been an accident”

At 9:30 p.m. on Sept. 30, 2004, Vicki had been enjoying an evening alone with her kids. She’d kissed her husband, Howard, goodbye that morning as he left on his motorcycle to attend the Bikes, Blues and BBQ motorcycle rally in Fayetteville, Ark., with some colleagues. Howard was a hard worker, and motorcycles were his outlet for fun and relaxation. When she could, Vicki rode with him on the back of his bike, but not this time. It just wasn’t easy finding someone to take care of the eight kids still under their roof.

The past few months had been a hectic, but enjoyable, whirlwind for the family. In the spring they finalized their first adoptions: two teen girls. Heading out of town for a family vacation, they received a call from the social worker of two brothers for whom they’d provided foster care. Placement for the brothers and their two sisters had failed for the third time. The family swung by the youth shelter on their way back from vacation and returned home with four new family members. They finalized the adoptions shortly thereafter.

On this day, a motorcycle engine revved outside.

Howard shouldn’t be home yet, Vicki thought. Something must have happened.

The next sound she heard was the doorbell.

Maybe I locked the screen door by accident. Vicki opened the front door, expecting to be met by her husband. Instead, she encountered her former pastor, his wife and the wife of a trip participant.

There’d been an accident — Howard was dead.

Within minutes, Vicki’s parents, sister and adult children were at her side. But all the company in the world couldn’t alter her new reality: She was alone with eight kids to raise.

“I don’t know what time everybody went to bed that night,” Vicki says, “but when I looked, I found a lot of the kids huddled together like a litter of puppies, just as close to each other as they could get.”

In a fog

Vicki spent the next few months in a daze.

“When I came out of the fog in [the spring of] 2005, I apologized to my kids,” Vicki says. “I know I cooked for them during that time, but I don’t remember what I cooked, and I know I burned a lot of stuff. I told them, ‘I don’t know how you survived these last six months because I wasn’t always me.’ But God took care of us.

“The Bible tells us that He is a father to the fatherless and a husband to the husbandless. When I have those days or those moments when I need some encouragement, I tell Him, ‘Jesus, hold onto me here for a little while. Just let me rest in You.’ And it’s amazing how He does that.”

As a former financial planner who had counseled her clients through unexpected crises, Vicki knew the rule: Don’t make a major financial decision for at least a year after a dramatic life change.

Still, her house was bursting at the seams, something she and Howard had realized long before the accident. The two had been looking to move or add on.

Two months after Howard’s death, God provided Vicki with a house she’d wanted earlier in the year. “I had seen the house and thought, Lord, are You saving that house for me?” she says. “He knew I was going to need it.”

Vicki has come to see how God prepared her for single parenthood, how He not only walked her through it, but to it.

“I lost my dad when I was 19. When my husband died, my oldest son, Jakeb, was a freshman in college,” Vicki says. “So I knew where my kids were because I’d been there before. And my mother knew where I was at.”

Hope for today

Vicki isn’t sure what the future holds for her. With a house full of teenagers, she’s taking in younger foster kids. She would love to write a book some day and feels called to missions. She hopes remarriage is in her future but is leaving it in God’s hands.

“God knows I don’t particularly want to live the rest of my life by myself, but He meets my needs,” she says.

Vicki and her kids continue to persevere as a family, and some days are easier than others. “We have a couple of Howard’s coffee mugs in a cabinet and, when one of us is feeling blue, we crack out a mug and fix some hot chocolate,” she says.

Vicki eagerly awaits the day when she will see both Howard and her father in heaven, a day she refers to as “homecoming.”

Until then?

“God has a very big job for me to do,” she says. “Every day I tell Him, ‘Lord, here I am. You just tell me what You want me to do, and I will do the best I can to be obedient.’ ”